How Can I Overcome the Pain Caused by Hurtful Words?

by Ester yusufu | 8 September 2019 08:46 pm09

At times, we all face situations where people say bad things about us, either behind our backs or openly. This is a normal experience—you’re not alone. Even respected and influential people have been spoken against, no matter how much good they have done. Being talked about negatively is something everyone encounters in life.

The reality of being spoken against reflects the fallen nature of the world (John 15:18–20). Jesus warned His followers that the world would hate them just as it hated Him. Thus, opposition and criticism are part of the Christian experience.

Look at Jesus Christ, who was perfect and without sin. Even He was often spoken against. If He, who was completely blameless, endured this, who are we to expect otherwise? So, as long as we live in this world, criticism and hurtful words are inevitable (1 Peter 4:12–14). Sometimes, these harsh words may come even from close friends or family, which can be especially painful.

A good example from the Bible is Jephthah. He was his father’s firstborn son, but his mother was a prostitute. Later, his father married a lawful wife who bore other children. When those children grew up, they rejected Jephthah, saying he had no right to inherit because of his mother’s background. They even wanted to harm him, so he fled his country alone. Not only did his family reject him, but the whole nation excluded him. (This story is found in Judges 11 and onward.)

Jephthah went to live among outcasts and poor people like himself. But God saw his suffering and, when the time came, raised him up like He did Joseph. Jephthah became a judge and warrior for Israel, God’s chosen nation. Those who had rejected him later came begging for his help in battle.

As the Bible says in 1 Samuel 2:6–8

“The Lord kills and brings to life; he brings down to Sheol and raises up.
The Lord makes poor and makes rich; he brings low and he exalts.
He raises up the poor from the dust; he lifts the needy from the ash heap to make them sit with princes and inherit a seat of honor. For the pillars of the earth are the Lord’s, and on them he has set the world.”

God is sovereign over human circumstances (Psalm 103:19). He humbles and exalts according to His divine will and purposes. Those rejected by people can be lifted up by God to fulfill His plans.

So how do we overcome the pain of being hurt by others’ words?

We all have a heart—a core where feelings and pain are stored. Physical wounds heal and become scars that no longer hurt. But emotional wounds in the heart can last for years, even decades. And sometimes, a small trigger can reopen those wounds as if they happened yesterday.

That’s why it’s important to be careful with your inner self. If we don’t learn how to handle emotional pain, we end up living a life full of bitterness, unforgiveness, and hurt.

The best way to protect yourself is not to hold onto hurtful words. Try not to take everything too seriously or keep it in your heart. For example, if someone insults you, instead of dwelling on it, ask yourself why they said it. Think about it from their perspective and even imagine if you had said the same to someone else—what would it mean?

If someone insults you, consider if you’ve ever insulted others in anger. Most likely, the insult was a momentary reaction and nothing more. Don’t assume the person hates you or is constantly thinking of ways to hurt you.

Likewise, if someone insults or belittles you, don’t take it personally. Often, the offender forgets quickly, while you remain hurt. They may even want to continue having a good relationship with you.

This is how you begin to heal your emotional wounds. Solomon said in Ecclesiastes 7:21–22

“Do not take to heart all the things that people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you;
for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others.”

Take things lightly. Imagine it as if you did the same to someone else. But if you dwell on every word, wondering what it means or why it was said, you will live with constant sadness and pain. Your eyes will be filled with tears, and you will become a person who complains and enjoys others’ misfortunes. This bitterness can lead some people to seek revenge or turn to harmful things like witchcraft or false prophets (Romans 12:17–21).

But if you learn to live according to the Bible’s teaching, you will avoid these wounds of the heart. You will live a life full of forgiveness, patience, love, and peace. You will also be loved more by others and will not see everyone as your enemy.

Even if you feel low compared to others, remember God sees your good deeds. When the time is right, He will lift you up just as He lifted Joseph and Jephthah—no matter how long it takes. He will reward you with good things!

Joseph never complained about his brothers even after they sold him. Later, he welcomed them warmly and provided for them (Genesis 45:1–15).

God’s providence works through suffering and rejection to accomplish His good purposes (Romans 8:28). Our trials are not meaningless but are opportunities for God’s grace to be displayed.

May God bless you abundantly.

Source URL: https://wingulamashahidi.org/en/2019/09/08/how-can-i-overcome-the-pain-caused-by-hurtful-words/

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