Biblical Guidance for Christian Youth on Courtship and Godly Companionship
Welcome to this short but important lesson on youth and relationships. Many young people today rush into relationships without proper guidance, only to find themselves wounded emotionally, spiritually, or even physically. As a result, it is vital for a young believer to first seek biblical wisdom before engaging in any romantic relationship.
There are three foundational questions every young person must answer before entering into a relationship:
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When is the right time to start a relationship?
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Who is the right person to pursue a relationship with?
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What are the boundaries and responsibilities within a godly relationship?
A Message for Born Again Believers
This teaching is specifically directed at young men and women who have been saved—that is, those who have repented of their sins, been baptized in water, received the Holy Spirit, and are living in expectation of the return of Christ and the coming Kingdom (Titus 2:11–13). If you have not yet received Christ as Lord and Savior, we urge you to begin there, for without Him, all other pursuits—including relationships—are built on unstable ground (John 15:5).
Two Types of Relationships
From a biblical perspective, relationships fall into two main categories:
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Pre-marital relationships – commonly called courtship, which is a preparation stage for marriage.
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Marital relationships – the covenant union between a husband and wife.
In today’s teaching, we will focus on courtship—that is, the relationship between a man and a woman who are preparing for marriage.
1. When Is the Right Time to Start a Relationship?
For Young Men:
A godly young man should consider beginning a relationship only when he is spiritually mature and financially stable. The Bible says:
“But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (1 Timothy 5:8, ESV)
Courtship is not for boys—it is for men. If you are still dependent on your parents, living under their care, or have no income, it is not yet time to pursue a relationship. You must first be able to care for yourself before thinking of caring for another.
In today’s society, due to the length of education and economic demands, many young men begin to stand on their own financially by the age of 25 or older. This is a more realistic and appropriate age to consider entering a serious relationship. However, this varies depending on personal circumstances.
For Young Women:
A young woman should also avoid relationships while still in school. The ideal time is after completing formal education, and when she has attained spiritual maturity. Many young women under the age of 20 enter relationships out of emotional impulse or peer pressure, and later regret the decisions they made in their immaturity.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30, ESV)
Spiritual readiness and personal growth are far more important than age alone.
2. Who Is the Right Person to Be in a Relationship With?
For Young Men:
Do not begin a relationship simply because a prophet, pastor, or dream told you so. Marriage is a personal and spiritual commitment, and you must take full responsibility for your choice. God may guide you, but you must discern and choose wisely:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” (Proverbs 18:22, ESV)
Also, do not allow a woman to pressure or manipulate you into a relationship. Leadership in courtship and marriage is a God-given responsibility for men (Ephesians 5:23).
For Young Women:
Do not consider a man who is still a student, even if he appears sincere. A man who is not yet financially or emotionally prepared is not ready for courtship. Be cautious even of charming or generous suitors:
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14, ESV)
If he does not share your faith and values, he is not the man God intends for you.
3. What Should You Do—and Not Do—During Courtship?
For Young Men:
If the woman you are interested in is not saved, your first goal is not to date her—but to share Christ with her. However, do not promise marriage just to lead her to Christ, or she may pretend to convert for the sake of marrying you.
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33, ESV)
Let her come to Christ because she desires the Lord—not because she desires you. If she truly receives Christ, begins to walk in the Spirit, and joins your fellowship, then you may begin a friendship that is respectful and transparent.
For Young Women:
Remember, it is the man who pursues the woman, not the other way around. Do not advertise yourself as seeking a husband. Remain pure, prayerful, and content in God’s timing. A godly man will recognize your value and pursue you with honor:
“A prudent wife is from the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:14, ESV)
Also, be careful when someone shows interest in you. Not everyone who desires you has good intentions. Even ungodly men are drawn to pure and virtuous women, so test every spirit (1 John 4:1). If he is not saved, introduce him to a male spiritual leader—not to yourself. If he refuses godly counsel, he is not from God.
What to Avoid During Courtship
Whether you are a young man or woman:
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Avoid all sexual activity—including touching, kissing, or being alone together in private settings. These behaviors stir up temptation and dishonor God:
“Flee from sexual immorality… your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you.” (1 Corinthians 6:18–19, ESV)
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Avoid private visits to each other’s homes when alone. Always ensure accountability. Invite mature believers into your relationship for mentorship and spiritual counsel.
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Grow together spiritually. Read books or listen to sermons on biblical relationships and prepare for the responsibilities of marriage.
When You Are Ready to Marry
If, after prayer, counsel, and time, both of you discern that you are meant to marry, follow these biblical steps:
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Inform your parents or guardians early—do not surprise them. Let them know the person in advance so they can support and bless your union (Exodus 20:12).
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Inform your church leaders and let the relationship be publicly acknowledged. Allow the church to guide you through the proper process.
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Bride price (dowry) should be paid. In Scripture, the groom paid a bride price as a sign of honor and commitment (Genesis 34:12). This reflects how Christ paid the ultimate price—His blood—to redeem His bride, the Church (Ephesians 5:25–27).
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After the wedding ceremony, you are now husband and wife and free to enjoy the full blessings of marriage (Hebrews 13:4).
Final Encouragement
Beloved youth, wait on God. Do not rush into relationships. Focus first on your walk with Christ. When the time is right, He will bring the right person into your life.
“Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4, ESV)
May the Lord guide you and bless your relationships with wisdom, purity, and purpose.
Amen.