DO NOT BE BITTER TOWARD HER

(Special Teaching for Married Couples  The Husband’s Role)

Colossians 3:19 (NKJV)
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.”

This short yet profound verse provides two divine imperatives to every Christian husband:

1. Love your wife.

2. Do not be bitter toward her.

These are not mere suggestions; they are commands from God, rooted in His design for marriage and reflective of the covenant between Christ and His Church.

1. Love Your Wife as Christ Loved the Church

Biblical love is not simply emotional affection; it is a deliberate, self-sacrificing, covenantal commitment. God’s Word calls husbands to mirror the love of Christ Himself.

Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV)
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.”

This means loving your wife unconditionally, sacrificially, and consistently from the day you say “I do” until death separates you. Christ’s love for the Church was not dependent on her merit but was rooted in grace. Likewise, a husband’s love must not fluctuate with moods or circumstances.

When love seems to wane, it is a call to spiritual action: seek God in prayer, repent of apathy, and actively rekindle that love. The fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22–23) includes love, patience, kindness, and self control all crucial for a thriving marriage.

2. Do Not Be Bitter Toward Her

Bitterness is a spiritual toxin. The Greek word used for “bitter” in Colossians 3:19 (pikrainō) implies a deep seated resentment or sharpness of spirit. Scripture warns that unchecked bitterness can defile relationships and hinder fellowship with God.

Hebrews 12:15 (NKJV)
“Looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.”

Why might a husband become bitter? Scripture acknowledges that women like all human beings have flaws. Mismanagement of finances, indiscretion with private matters, emotional responses, or recurring mistakes may test a husband’s patience. However, bitterness is never the solution. It is sin, and it grieves the Holy Spirit.

Ephesians 4:31 (NKJV)
“Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.”

Understanding the Weaker vessel 

God calls men to lead with understanding and compassion, not dominance or emotional detachment.

1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV)
“Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

The phrase “weaker vessel” does not imply inferiority but rather delicacy and vulnerability. Just as fine china is more delicate than a cooking pot, both serve essential but different purposes. Husbands are called to recognize this distinction and respond with honor, gentleness, and support not frustration or control.

Failing to treat your wife with understanding and honor, Scripture warns, may hinder your prayers. That is a serious spiritual consequence one that no godly man should take lightly.

A Call to Christlike Leadership

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. It reflects Christ’s relationship with His Bride, the Church. As such, the husband’s role is one of sacrificial leadership, spiritual covering, and emotional strength.

Let every husband ask himself:

• Am I loving my wife as Christ loved the Church?

• Have I allowed bitterness to take root in my heart?

• Do I honor her as a fellow heir of God’s grace?

Let us repent where we’ve fallen short, and pursue God’s perfect design for marriage.

Maranatha!  The Lord is coming.

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